To Me: Patience and Gratitude

It’s difficult to wrap my head around the fact that this Covid-19 pandemic has gone on for more than a year. Last winter feels like a lifetime ago. I didn’t know where Wuhan was, and the only thing I had to really worry about was finishing my graduate degree. This year certainly hasn’t been the easiest in any sense, but in comparison, I’m part of the lucky few who weathered the storm in a better position than I started. So I should be beyond happy, right? However, it doesn’t always feel like that. As if, no matter how many accomplishments I achieve, it still doesn’t bring the happiness I thought it would.

Some days I get into a funk and wonder why I don’t have the same spark or enthusiasm for life that I did even a day ago. I look at the window, and hope to find that feeling of “being content with where you are and the person you are today”, but instead, are left feeling kind of empty and directionless. Some days I think I’ve found what that feeling of “not wanting anything more in life” feels like, and the next day I go right back to day-dreaming of the day were I think I will be finally happy. I don’t know. You would think the feeling would stick. But I guess not.

So, I’ve deduced that I need a slight pick-me-up, to remind myself that this year wasn’t a complete waste, and that there is much to be happy and content with. I have much to be grateful for. So, me of right now, remember, during this year you:

  1. Completed and received your graduate degree
  2. Found a well paying job in the field you are interested in
  3. Are building a new home, the dream home you always wanted
  4. Communicated with your family and friends more than you ever did before
  5. Lost 10lbs and developed a workout routine (you lost this routine over the winter, but I have faith you’ll get it back)
  6. Started to read more
  7. Developed more patience and empathy for those who don’t agree with you, and found a way to love them nonetheless
  8. Fell even further in love with your partner, and strengthened your relationship with him
  9. Grew your passion for cooking, something you always wanted to dedicate yourself to
  10. Woke up, got out of bed, made the bed, and remembered to greet the morning with a smile.

Today, after what feels like the thousandth repeated groundhog’s day, I feel the need to remind myself that even though life still feels very monotonous and it isn’t so easy to tell the difference between yesterday and today, that doesn’t mean it’s anything to be sad or depressed about, for there is always something to be grateful for, even for something as simple yet profound as the gift of being alive and healthy, especially now when it’s so easily taken for granted.

So, to the me of today, tomorrow is a new day, with more blessings to appreciate and challenges to overcome. You won’t get everything right. Heck, you’ll rarely do anything perfectly. But that’s okay. Take it easier on yourself. Count your blessings, and happiness will come to you, in one form or another. Keep your head high, and smile, not at anyone in particular, but at yourself and your ability to live another day with confidence, grace, and strength. You’ll find what you’re looking for, with time and patience.

For those who might be reading this, how do you pick yourself up? What makes you happy? How have you found, or are working towards finding your happiness?